Monday November 24, 2014

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Survey results are meant for general information only, and are not based on recognised statistical methods.




The game we play

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There is a game William and I used to play, and sometimes catch ourselves still playing.

It is quite a common game, a game that leads to destruction and often times hurt feelings. This game never resolves a problem, and tends to escalate the situation or problem even further.

This game is called The Blame Game.

Many times, as our children were growing up, I would tell them that blaming someone else for a situation never solves the problem. It only points a finger at who did it. Yet in the next breath, I would look for a way to find fault in something William had done, so I could put one more notch up for me.

Sometimes I would do this on purpose, but many times I would do it without even realizing it was happening.

When we live in a love relationship, we all do things that we shouldn’t. No one person is ever without fault. But if our life partner is sitting ready to jump down our throat when things do go wrong, the respect for that person is gone.

Someone once told me that when you point your finger at someone, there's three pointing back at you.

When situations come up in your life, and your partner “is” to blame, you must look beyond “who” did it and work together to fix the problem. When you take the blame out of the problem, you can both work more harmoniously to make it right. The person blaming has more energy to help, and the person being blamed can stop trying to defend themselves and work on making things right.

This may take time and sometimes it’s not till you have actually blamed, that you become aware of what you have done. However, as a couple, you can stop and say to each other “let’s just work together to fix this.”

You’ll be surprised, when you take the Blame Game out of the picture, how much more respect you will have for each other.

I can think of games you can play as a couple that are a lot more fun.

 


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