Did you know you are like an iceberg? Let me explain.
Although I never physically hurt Edrina, I used to have an anger, developed from my childhood, that put holes in walls, broke desk drawers, and generally made me difficult to live with.
It wasn’t until I had a meltdown that I realized my need for counselling, some outside help. It was through the counselling I discovered what I call The Iceberg Theory.
Ninety per cent of what makes up an iceberg floats under water where you can’t see it, unless you also go under the water. In a similar manner, I was stuffing my hurts, pains, and everything else I didn’t want to deal with, my ninety per cent, under the water, just like the iceberg.
People only saw the 10 per cent I let them see. For the most part, I didn’t even realize what was stuffed under the water in my life, until I went for counseling.
The anger I was expressing was a reaction to something triggering an emotion in that ninety per cent.
We’ve talked before about how you each bring things from your past into your relationship. Those “things” shape how you respond to life and ultimately shapes or plots a course for your relationship.
If your past involved a lot of positive reinforcement, and you bring that into your relationship, even though you may encounter some challenges, your relationship will be built on that strength.
If you came into your relationship with unresolved issues from your past, like I did, those issues will weigh you down and affect how you make decisions, not only in life, but especially in your relationship.
Allowing those issues to go unchecked is like having a beautiful garden but allowing the weeds to also grow there. Pretty soon it’s hard to see the “good stuff” among the weeds.
What would you rather have affecting your relationship: a bulk of unresolved issues, or a strong foundation of positive?
If you chose the positive, then maybe you need to check out some “outside” help to get your past issues resolved, so you can live in the present rather than your past.