Although we’ve written on communication countless times over the years – maybe because it’s such a huge topic – there always seems to be issues that surface in our relationship that William and I need to work on.
One of those issues I was very evidently made aware of recently was the many tactics I use to shut down communication in our relationship when I decide I don’t want the conversation to continue. I use many excuses and blaming tactics to defend why I shut down the conversation, but faced with the truth, I still shut it down.
I tend to shut down and walk away from a conversation when it heats up, or I’ll dig something up from our past and throw it back in William’s face. I’ll tell him he is being unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing, or I’ll just stand there and let him say his piece, and when he is done, I’ll just say "Alrighty then," and walk away.
I’m sure William could write a few more in here but I’ll stop now. I think I’ve made my point.
When I use this form of control to shut down a conversation about an issue I don’t want to discuss, I am saying to my William that what he is trying to communicate is not something I value, or want to deal with. I walk away from it; maybe it will just go away.
I often tell myself that our relationship is good enough; that we don’t need to keep digging deeper to fix more. We’ve been together for 27 years. We’re happy. Why can’t we just keep everything as is?
However, the truth is that you need to continually work on your relationship to make it and keep it great. When you work on the little things, you don’t end up with big issues.
As for me occasionally shutting down conversations with William, I don’t have the perfect answer for this. I am still working on myself. Being aware of it and being aware of what I am doing is always the first step.
Although we have come a long way in developing our communication, like many couples, we still have things we need to work on. We don’t ever want to say, “It’s good enough.”