We have videotaped many weddings over the years. When we interviewed the grandparents on camera, we always asked them to give one piece of advice for the couple.
Almost always, the answer was the same: "Don't go to bed angry."
I have to be honest. Edrina and I have been guilty of this on a few occasions. The results were always the same. I would wake up in the morning with rigamortis already set in from sleeping one inch from the edge of my bed, just so I wouldn't end up touching Edrina during the night.
We'd wake up in the same position we fell asleep in. Even worse, the issue we were arguing about was still there. Plus, we were even more tired and grumpy from a restless sleep, which didn't help the situation. It almost seemed like a vicious cycle.
I heard an emcee say, "Don't go to bed angry – stay up and argue!"
Funny, but it does have some truth to it. You need to resolve or at least begin the process of resolving the issue before you go to sleep. You may not be able to fix it that night but you need to start, and you need to come to terms with each other.
If you can't wish each other a genuine "goodnight," you need to work toward that point before you go to sleep. Even if you both "agree to disagree" for now, it's a starting point.
Some issues may be too big to talk about before you go to sleep, or you may be too tired. In that case, make the genuine decision to discuss it as soon as possible by booking a time with your partner to do that.
Many actually go to bed before their partner does. Or the other partner decides to stay up longer because of their anger, or even worse, sleep on the couch. Sleeping apart is even worse for your relationship.
It not only says that you're angry, but it's also a form of punishment. Now you have more than just the argument to resolve. Either way, staying up later, or going to bed at the same time, the argument needs to be dealt with before sleep happens.
So, next time you get into bed angry with each other, do yourselves both a favor and reward yourselves with a good night's sleep.