Wednesday November 26, 2014


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What's missing?


William and I have talked about this many times since we started writing this column. It is something that often gets missed when trying to figure out what could help make a relationship better.

It is something that often gets overlooked when you are trying to consider why your relationship might not be what it used to be.

What I am talking about is you! You may be what you’re overlooking. While it takes two of you to make a relationship happen, your relationship actually begins with you.

That means making sure you’re not relying on your partner to make you happy. You have to be a happy person first. You have to make sure that, as a person, you need to be whole and healthy.

That may mean cleaning up the broken heart from the past, healing old wounds that seem to creep up on you once in a while, working on your self-esteem that may have taken a bit of a plunge, or forgiving yourself for something that has haunted you over the years.

I was listening to a song on my iPod about forgiveness, and a thought came to me.

For those of you who may read the Bible, there is the story of how Judas betrayed Jesus, by handing him over to the Jews, then went out and hung himself. Judas didn’t kill himself because Jesus wouldn’t forgive him; he killed himself because he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done.

I lived a life of Judas. I spent many years not being able to forgive myself for things I had done in the past. And these weren’t huge things that I had to forgive myself for, but little things that I hated myself for. I was very hard on myself and had certain expectations of what I should be, how I should act or what I should be doing with my life.

A relationship is only as whole as the people who are in it.

William had major issues with low self-esteem, anger, guilt and a past he had to struggle out of, in order to become a whole and healthy person.

Take time for yourself. Maybe even rediscover yourself and the beautiful person you truly are. If things seem to be heavy in your life, seek help. Journal what is on your heart. Spend time with friends who are uplifting and positive. Seek times of quiet and reflect. Be patient with yourself. If you need to, let yourself heal. Look after not only your psychological and physical self, but also your spiritual self.

Your relationship will thank you.




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