The loss of my greenhouse was a test. Accepting the loss of this item I’d wanted for years was somewhat easier since none of my garden was damaged despite winds that lifted it like a kite up into the evergreens.
The structure shifted somewhat during the night so that only one end was up in a high tree. I’d use the cordless drill to remove screws and take it down, I figured, but a big test and farmers market would come first. It was hard to leave it hanging there for days.
There’s nothing like a test to reveal how I really think about myself. Am I doomed to failure and hopeless struggle or have I got that cat in the bag? Cats don’t belong in bags; people don’t belong in hopeless struggles.
So I kept potato bug squishing to limit, did my chores, then studied and practiced my skills. An hour early, I drove a big, yellow standard school bus into Weyburn for my practical exam.
No big deal for a farm girl, right? Think again. I’m the farm girl who was afraid of everything and never learned how to properly drive a standard. That’s why I’ve been shifting and downshifting, pulling two-point turns and talking my way through walk around pre-trip checks for weeks on end.
All things mechanical and technical I’d avoided for safe work that left me closer to the ground, in my comfort zone, at home. Initially I had considerable doubts.
Farmer even consoled me once with: “You don’t have to be able to do everything...” He was giving me an out; inviting me to accept myself even if I chose to give up.
But there are always tests, aren’t there? Greenhouse in a tree tested me as I climbed, slipped and nearly fell out holding the cordless. Still, I couldn’t reach it all.
I prayed all the way into Weyburn, arrived early and drove the whole test circuit before arriving for my appointment. Being evaluated has always left me physically weak and nauseous.
I messed a few gears and stopped short once. After each mistake I consciously let go of the fear of failure and pressed on. In the end, I passed.
Farmer used the grapple on his loader to pull my house out of the evergreens. Next we’ll decide where to rebuild.