As a first time dad, a friend of ours told us he was doing great but that neither he nor his wife were getting much sleep. She was so tired from repeatedly being up at night. Sometimes he felt helpless, but he tried to help in any way he could. He also said that he was “choosing” to love her.
As a woman and mother, I sat there listening and chuckling inside knowing exactly what they were both going through. Any woman who has given birth would understand that her hormones were switching back; she was exhausted, and was adjusting to a completely new lifestyle – maybe not even sure whether she wanted to cry or throw something.
As a first time dad, he couldn’t understand why she was acting so strangely and he just wanted things back to the way they used to be. Not without the child, but to when his wife was “normal.”
In his limited understanding of the process of having a baby, he was choosing to love her and did what needed to be done to keep things rolling along in their household. She couldn’t understand why he didn’t “get it,” but chose to love him and accept where he was at. She also appreciated all he was doing.
We all arrive at these similar moments in our life together when things change.
When William and I first met, we were instantly attracted to each other and knew within a month we loved each other. After 25 years of being together that love has grown, become stronger and weathered some pretty rough times. Like our friends with the new baby, we had to choose to love each other.
As we moved into new areas of life, with new rewards and equally new challenges, when love may not have felt “emotional,” we consciously chose to love each other and continue. It was always worth it!
As your life together goes through some changes over time, and the emotion of love is not always evident, I encourage you to hang in there and both keep making the choice to love.