Have you ever stopped and asked yourself why some people treat their partner the way they do? Why do some people treat their partner with so much respect and others have such a hard time?

How you see yourselves directly affects the way you treat your partner.  We tend to reflect our own insecurities onto our partner because it is the easiest way to take them off ourselves. We do this through put-downs, blaming, name calling, and the list goes on. It is often called belittling.

Belittling is the type of behaviour used to put your partner down for the purpose of building yourself up.

William and I fell into this pattern of abuse early on in our relationship and continued it for many years.  I was often blamed for many of the things that went wrong in the house. Whether it was big or small, it was quite often considered to be my fault. William would also get frustrated if I was unable to understand something he was explaining to me and would make me feel inferior to him.

I, in turn, closed up and kept everything in until a big argument would happen and then it all came out. But then, to retaliate, I would use that same behaviour back on him to make myself feel better.

This pattern was becoming a two way street of negativity that was pulling both of us down.

We both needed to love ourselves as individuals and stop projecting our own inadequacies onto our partner. It was crucial to be aware of our behaviour and stop.

If you have a recurring pattern where you are belittling your partner to some degree, ask yourself this: Does it make you feel better about yourself but hurt your relationship? If so, you may have insecurities about your life that need to be addressed. The rewards are worth it!

So, stop and think of how often you put your partner down to make yourself look or feel better. 

Is it time to make a change?

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