After 25 years of being together, building our relationship, going through counselling, and even presenting workshops to others on how to build their relationship, I still “made” Edrina cry!
No matter how long you’ve been together, a relationship needs to be continually worked on to stay healthy and rewarding.
We were preparing for our “Kick-Off” relationship workshop. We had two days until our presentation and we were cramming. For two nights in a row, we went to bed around 3 a.m., excited but tired. While I worked on the PowerPoint, Edrina offered to put the workbooks together on the computer to save me from doing it. Great! Only thing was that Edrina had to ask me a lot of “how-to” questions.
We got to a point where frustration and tiredness took over. I criticized her lack of knowledge to the point that she began to cry. I wasn’t impressed. But then here’s what happened:
The Four Steps To Reconciling - 1) Take responsibility for your actions: I realized I was wrong to push and criticize Edrina. She has many excellent gifts. 2) Put yourself in your partner’s shoes: She must have felt awful that her life partner, the one she is meant to be open and vulnerable with, and sharing her most intimate life with, would treat her like an employee being oppressed by an intimidating and bullying boss. 3) Acknowledge that your partner is worthy of your respect: I had not shown Edrina the unconditional love that she deserved as my life partner. 4) Acknowledge there are no excuses for harming others: I had emotionally hurt Edrina and there are no excuses for that. Sometimes you may get caught up in the mind game that says, “I only hurt you because……”. Remember - there are no excuses.
I apologized and explained where I had failed, tired or not. She forgave me, and we discussed it. We decided she would do what she could and I would complete the rest. We still ended up with work books and even less stress.
Do you need to practice the Four Steps in your relationship?
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