“I Love You Just The Way You Are” was a huge music hit in the seventies for singer Billy Joel, and he made a fortune telling people not to change who they were just to please someone else. Great advice. Especially if it creates a false you.
Think back to when you first met your partner. For the most part, all you could see was how wonderful they were. When you are first attracted to someone, you rarely see the “darker side” of them until your relationship has deepened. If you saw their less-than-perfect side right away you may never have committed to them and would have found it difficult to see the good in them.
As your relationship grows there are always things about your partner that begin to grate on your nerves. As much as you may have “discussed” these things with your partner, there are just some things that will never change. It is who they are.
William and I have changed over the years and have worked on many problems in our relationship, but there are characteristics in both of our personalities that will never change. It is just who we are. William is fanatical about details and planning and that used to bug me. I’m a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants person and that used to bug William.
Not accepting this in your partner can create many hard feelings and may even begin to pull you apart.
Sometimes you fall into a habit of finding the negative in everything your partner does. You tend to seek out what they have done wrong and a put-down seems to come out of your mouth before a compliment.
When was the last time you made a conscious effort to compliment your partner? Have you ever thanked your partner for something they have done? Have you ever thought to tell your partner that you love them just the way they are?
If not, maybe you are trying to make your partner into someone they will never be. Give yourself and your partner the gift of loving and accepting them just the way they are.
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