Farmer wrestled spraying hydraulic hoses, unplugged seed cups on his “new to him” 40-foot seeder and installed our first drill filler. He’s my champion. Many times he whined: “Can’t anything go right for a guy once in a while?” but he seeded wheat.
Meanwhile I struggled with “being behind” in my work. I choked on being overwhelmed until I stared depression in the face. If you’re already crying during morning chores, I’d say there’s head work to do; heart work too. Gloom from the last monsoon carried right on through this week’s sunshine. If you’ve ever been there or are there now, this column is for you.
I’ve met many people on anti-depressants the past few years. Considering the rate at which this stuff is prescribed, it’s probably a best pharmaceutical seller. No wonder; this new and improved life has us chasing our tails and wasting our wallets. Depression thrives under such conditions.
But what about livingfromthefarm.com? Delila believes in thriving; doesn’t she have power to conquer fear and live in the moment, laugh at disasters and grow? What about planting and transplanting, avoiding commercialism, seduction and Hollywood B.S.? So who’s talking depression?
“Living in Balance” is a life lesson I haven’t learned. My workaholic expectation creates the blues. It took a visit from two senior citizens to help me off that path last weekend. One was in her 90’s, offering to help me plant garden.
Self care has a ripple effect: because Aunty has taken care of herself and focused on love for several decades, I recognized my own self-torture. She was peaceful; I was a mess. Together, we planted several rows.
“Why do you set the bar so high and then beat yourself up that you can’t reach it?” Farmer asked me one night. He’s wisest in bed and kept repeating the message that I’m still a worthwhile person whether I see any hint of outward success. I am not my work, yet I defeat “me” with my “perceived” failure. The timeline by which things “should be” accomplished is a hanging rope.
Prescription for depression: “By now you should be____ and you should have _____.”
Compare that to bees that just take care of themselves and simultaneously feed the world or stationary trees providing oxygen, shade, and shelter world-wide.
Me? I measure and condemn my progress, surprised at unhappiness. I will learn.