I am by nature or nurture – a multi-tasker. This serves me well in my work life but not so much in my family life. On top of that I also have an innate desire to be extremely efficient at everything. To the point that when I am putting something in the microwave I analyze what numbers are the closest together that still achieve my desired warming time so that I don’t waste time traveling too far from one number to another. (I am acutely aware of how weird this makes me!) All of this said I find it kind of ironic that my number one love language is “quality time”.

“In the vernacular of quality time, nothing says ‘I love you’ like full, undivided attention.” (Dr. Gary Chapman). In light of this I really need to be intentional about shutting off my “multi-tasking mode” and focusing on my loved ones. When I first got married my husband was somewhat baffled by my constant “busyness”. He had a huge role in teaching me to let things go and just spend time with him. At times he had to physically hold me down!

One of my daily goals with my kids is to for each part of the day (morning, afternoon and evening) to spend ten minutes doing whatever they want to do and nothing else. It doesn’t sound like much but when your two-year old consistently asks you “Mommy, you wanna run?” ten minutes is plenty long enough! Those ten minutes usually end up running longer which is good but putting a set time on it motivates me more.

I think the secret of finding quality time with your family lies in the little things and a constant awareness. It is much easier to let my son wind down to an episode of Diego but I feel much more connected to him if I put my stuff on hold and cuddle with him while reading and talking about his books. When I put him down for his naps and he asks “Mommy, you wanna cuddle?” I have to do my best to remember that he’ll never be this age again and that he is worthy of my time.

On a final note, be careful that you don’t confuse “doing things” for your family with actually spending time with them.

Monique Willms